“They that know thy name will put their trust in thee” (Psalms
9:10). In my studies lately I kept asking God to help me to trust Him more and
today in church the thought came to me that I was asking the wrong thing. God
can only do so much to get us to trust Him. The question I needed to be asking
is “How can I trust thee more?” I decided to look up all the scriptures that
reference Trust in God, it was this psalm that stood out most to me, “They that
know thy name will put their trust in thee.” My answer was that I needed to do
more to truly know my God.
As I was visiting with a sister in my ward, we discussed the
great love that God has for us. However, sometimes we feel so inadequate that
we should ask for such a being for help. Then and there I realized my lack of
trust, how far I was from really knowing my Heavenly Father. As grand as this
universe is, WE are the reason it was created. WE are the reason He counseled
men to account for as long as the world has existed to document His dealings
with them, His love for them. WE are the reason He sent His Only Begotten Son
to live the most difficult life in existence, to be beaten and crucified. Why
do we question such love? It is because Satan is so good at placing doubts in
our hearts. We feel that because we have done too many wrong things, or done
the same wrong thing too many times. Or promised God we would be better and
then fallen, and then promised, and then fallen, again and again, until we
finally are convinced by the father of lies that God surely is sick of hearing
us promise the same thing and not following through. Let me just say that when
we promised to endure to the end we did not promise perfection to the end, we
promised “to continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).
I have felt so many times that I was unworthy of praying to
my God because I know where I am weak, and I know He knows. It’s a very
humbling thing to come to the one who knows you better than you know yourself
and “bother” Him with the things you desire or need when you think there are so
many more deserving people He could be listening to. What an immature thought
that is to think that the One who created and governs time and the universe is
on some kind of time crunch. He can and will listen to every one of His
children and He is on no agenda.
Now I may say all these things, but if you know me, you know
that the things I write about are the things that I need the most help with and
am working through on my own, that’s why I write. I have had those moments when
I felt I could not pray. I knelt by my bed, or on the bathroom floor, in a
closet, and knelt there crying just wishing I could feel worthy to say my
hearts desires. Finally, the words come and the love of God enters in. Today I
realized how much I do not know my Heavenly Father and that is why I feel I
lack the trust in Him I need.
How grateful I am not only for the scriptures that are a testimony of His constant unconditional love, but for living prophets, for the endless amount of encouragement found on lds.org, mormon.org, the mormon channel. For the temple! You cannot be there and not know that your Heavenly Father is aware of you and that everything He does is for you. I'm grateful that I can listen to a talk every morning for the rest of my life and still never be able to hear every talk that has ever been given by God’s guided leaders. Everyday more are added to the list! How is it that we have such a bountiful amount of evidence of God’s love I still have my doubts? First of all, because Satan is evil and second, because the only thing that can convince us is the Holy Ghost sealing in our hearts that His love is real.
I know that as I seek to truly know my Heavenly Father, I
will trust in Him more. Then I will able to be all that I was created to be. He
is wonderful. He truly loves us. Do not just take my word for it, or any of the
apostles or anyone else, but let our word encourage you to know that love for
yourself. As we begin to believe in such a pure love, we will become it. Together,
as we selflessly love, we will come to know God and we will have an unfailing
trust in Him and in His promises.
School’s been great. I love my students. I take my French test
this Saturday and as much time as I could use to prepare, I am so ready to be
done. I have truly never been more exhausted in my life. I’ve gotten sick twice
this month now and I hardly ever get sick. The Hakes are so good to me and my
tutor has spent hours every day helping prepare me for this. I’ve put my all in
it and will give my all this week and trust in the Lord that whatever the
outcome, everything will work out.
I love this gospel with all my heart and am so grateful for
my knowledge that God loves me unconditionally. He always has and always will. I
just hope that I can do what I need to do to know Him better every day and have
enough trust and faith that I can change every day to be more like Him.
This is a bit of a long address from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, but I listened to it this morning and was greatly impressed. I know that each of us is here at this specific time for a reason. God saved us for this day for a reason. God needs you. Do not doubt it. Find out why, and what you can do to accomplish all that He needs you to do. God is calling.
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