Thank the Lord for the Journey

“Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride” (President Gordon B. Hinckley).

We have no guarantees in life except that by keeping the commandments we will be happy. It’s my testimony that there is no better guarantee. Regardless of how well we think we’ve planned our lives, generally, just like a train ride, there are bumps and setbacks and changes to the plan, but if we are counseling with the Lord we can be confident we are going in the right direction. I have no idea what my journey will yet be like, but this week I experienced a large bump on my journey and saw that I had the choice if I would continue the journey and with what attitude I would endure it. It’s become clear to me that the happiness of the journey is completely up to us. My stake president said to us today, “It is through pain that we find our most significant happiness.”

I found out on Wednesday that in order to be certified in English I would need to pass the French Praxis, since French was my minor. I had assumed that if I had passed the English Praxis I could teach English. Without getting into all of the logistics of it, I have a little over a month to pass the French Praxis if I want to teach right after student teaching. At first I was completely upset. I felt like I had done so much to follow God, I was doing everything I was supposed to, how could God expect me to relearn French after being away from it for over a year and half? Thank you to my dear friends who were my back bone when I needed it. Thursday morning I reflected on all I had learned and saw the decisions I would need to make. It was so unlike me to be so frustrated. I determined right then that I would find the good in this and do all I could to pass this test and if I don’t pass, then God must be working to make something happen that I am not aware of yet. By divine providence, I met someone from Africa who speaks and used to teach French. He volunteered to tutor me and said if I let him teach me that I would pass this test. I have no guarantee that I’ll pass or not, but I know as long as I do my part, God will not let me end up on a bad path. This is all part of the glorious journey that will not only take me back home, but make me understand home.

I have learned again that happiness doesn’t come as a result of an easy, “perfect” life. “Those who are successful and happy were happy before they were successful, and those who are unhappy and successful were unhappy before they were successful.  Happiness is what happens now, in the everyday moments. “The time to be happy is now.” My whole stake conference today was based on happiness and all the speakers taught and testified that happiness is not what we get after enduring to the end, finding happiness now is enduring to the end.

I love Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

 “Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it”

This has become my goal. If everything I did was to help someone else I would always be happy, not by an intention to find happiness or success, but because by finding a cause greater than myself I will always be happy, and that is success.

If you are facing turbulent struggles on your train ride of life, if your train has left the beautiful vistas and turned to a more treacherous looking path, or if I you are asleep on the train not sure what is going on anymore, I ask you to trust in the Lord. Endure the trial, have faith when the Lord leads you in the unknown, and arise and find someone to help on their journey. The ride will go on and will bring you back home, but if you don’t understand the purpose of the journey how will you ever understand home when you get there? That is what God wants for us. He doesn’t want to just give us all He has, He wants us to become all He is. Thus we must learn from experience, from trials, all that He learned when He was in our position.

“To live is to suffer. Help us be worthy of our suffering” (Fydor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment).  

Be grateful for everyday of your life, no matter what you experience, it is a grand gift from God. Every day is a lifetime opportunity. Live worthy of all God has given you and will yet give you. Trust in Him. He doesn’t want you to wait to be happy. His commandments are what He has given so you and I can be happy every day, now and forever.

I have been grateful for my students and the faculty at Dobson High. I feel blessed to work with such wonderful people. Not many are LDS and they all seem to think I am a different breed of human to be as "virtuous" as I am. I don't mind being called out all the time for being "sweet and pure." I think that's one of the greatest things to be noticed for. They have also been amazed at my social life for having just moved here a couple months ago. I tell them it's all thanks to my church. At lunch one day, one of the ladies expressed her frustration with single men these days, they just drink and sleep around and she just wanted to find a good decent guy already. I told her she was more than welcome to come meet some honorable men with me at my church. At first she was like, no way, I don't want a Mormon, but after talking for awhile I asked if she'd want to come to a dance, or activity next time we have one. She actually said yes! I'm so grateful for God in letting me meet her. I've been really sad at not having done much "missionary work" but I realize that my example with my co-workers is my missionary work. Paul (my mentor teacher) said that was a big deal for that teacher to say she would go with me. I love this church and would live this life even if no one else was watching, but I'm grateful that my life is still a tool for God. Sometimes my students think I'm crazy, but they love me. I hope some of them gain a belief and testimony in living a "pure life."

I love them all, I love my family, I love the Hakes. Papa Glenn took me to the football game Friday, he was the best date I've had since being home! When one student jumped next to me on the bleachers, Glenn was like "Hey! She's my date!" Papa Glenn and Maman Josette are so wonderful. God truly does love us all more than we understand. Trust Him. Let His love transform you.

Jesus Take the Wheel

How many of you wish that God would just tell you what you are supposed to do already so you don’t have to try and figure it out anymore? I feel like just waving a white flag around and saying “I give up. Just tell me what I am supposed to do and I’ll do it.” A “Jesus take the wheel” kind of thing. I know my life’s really not that hard; I just taught in Gospel Doctrine all about the trials and faith of the early saints.

I hope that no one loses faith in me as a strong undoubting woman. Really, I have no doubts, I just am human and in moments of weakness I sometimes wish it would be easier. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to wish for some other way, even the Savior felt that “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42). That is the point that all humans must needs get to, (Mosiah 3:19).

Today in church we talked a lot about the trials that come and why. The parable of the currant bush was brought up. I’m putting up the link for the mormon message because it is so good. Heavenly Father is the gardener and He loves his creations. He would never give us something painful if it were not for a greater purpose. We may not always know what we will be after the trial, but God does know. That is why I have no doubts. His promises are sure. I know that not only because I have seen it, but I have felt it. This was a quote in the Gospel Doctrine manual that struck me. It’s from Elder M. Russell Ballard.

“Life isn’t always easy. At some point in our journey we may feel much as the pioneers did as they crossed Iowa—up to our knees in mud, forced to bury some of our dreams along the way. We all face rocky ridges, with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that stings our eyes and clouds our vision. Sharp edges of despair and discouragement jut out of the terrain to slow our passage. … Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed. Tapping unseen reservoirs of faith and endurance, we, as did our forebears, inch ever forward toward that day when our voices can join with those of all pioneers who have endured in faith, singing, ‘All is well! All is well!’ ” 

One night I was grading papers, I do that every night, but this particular night I was reading some papers that really shook me. These are only 16 and 17 year olds and they have faced trials I could never imagine experiencing. It got me wondering why God would do that. I decided to google, “is God there?” Of course Mormon.org showed up first. So then I googled “why am I here?” Again, mormon.org was the first one up. In reading what the church said in regards to these questions, I realized again that God does love me; He loves all of us. I don’t understand why some things happen or don’t happen, but I know the Lord loves us more than we can even imagine. Joseph Smith said “Sometimes the Lord brings us lower, so He can lift us higher.” I know that’s true.  Trust in Him. Know that He is in all things and He does it all for you.  I hope one day I can return to His presence and see things as He does and realize just how much He really did love me. Till then, I will just trust.

This is the link for the currant bush mormon message. 

 http://www.mormonchannel.org/mormon-channel-daily/213?v=1839005837001

If you want a good talk about submitting to the Lord, read "The Will of the Father in All Things" by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=729

or, "Willing to Submit" by Elder Neal A. Maxwell. 

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1985/04/willing-to-submit?lang=eng

Your choice

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea,

And rides upon the storm…

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust him for his grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face

~William Cooper

I can’t remember where I heard that this week. I started an Institute class, Teachings of the Living Prophets, so I’ve been reading a lot of talks lately. I’ve also been studying for the Gospel, Doctrine class I’m teaching next week and it’s so wonderful how everything I’ve been studying all correlates together.

I’ve felt really close to the Lord this week. Maybe it just gets better all the time, but I really know as I seek Him, He is there. My institute teacher is wonderful. I’m really excited about this class, already I feel my testimony growing, and I’ve only been to one class! How blessed we are to live in a time when we have such a vast amount of words from our prophets. With General Conference being only a month away, our teacher challenged us to read a talk from last conference every day before conference. I’ve read them all before, but I’ve been reading one every morning and it’s amazing how new insight comes every time! I’ve also been reminded of the value in “starting your day with the Lord.” I think that has played a huge factor in my growing happiness.

Yesterday a friend and I went to the temple and what has really seemed to stick with me from all I’ve experienced this week, is that the future is our choice. We pray all the time that God will let this happen and make this happen, really, the power for what we want to come lies within us. At church today our stake president said, “The future is waiting to be seized, and if we do not grasp it firmly, then other hands, more determined and bloody than our own, will.” We do not know what will come tomorrow, but we can choose now that we will serve the Lord and seek His will in all things, then whatever happens we can be assured is for our good.

 I read in D&C 136:31, “My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.”

You and I cannot conceive what the Lord wants to make of us. But I know that if we trust in Him, all will be well. I feel like the Lord has been trying to tell me that the future is my choice. In Moses 6:56 it says, “And it is given unto them to know good from evil, wherefore they are agents unto themselves.” Because of the atonement, we are the agents of our lives. Christ provided a way so that we could learn by experience what true glory is. I know that whatever we are asked to pass through in this life is worth enduring with the hope of eternal life.

I’ve been talking with a lot of new teachers and a lot of them are not enjoying their careers. I don’t know if I am just not seeing things the right way, I really am so happy to be a teacher. I’m not the best. I don’t know my English as well many English teachers, but, I love the students. I want to be better, so that they can be better. I have my doubts every now and then, like when they give excuses for why they didn’t do their work. Or like at the end of the week in last period, after a day in the heat, I noticed a couple of the students’ unpleasant odor and I had a moment’s thought of “why I am choosing to spend most of my life around unkempt teenagers?” I usually can’t remember anything bad for very long, so by the end of class I’d totally forgotten about their smell and just hoped that they would have a good, safe weekend and be back with their papers written well. I am so grateful Heavenly Father has allowed for my life to rub against these students’. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that God is totally aware of all of His children and He is always trying to help us feel His love. His tender mercies are everywhere. He is love and I love this church and the work of bringing forth the kingdom of heaven.

The Sun Rises on All

It’s a little sad to me that this life is beginning to feel more normal, but then I think how wonderful it is that I was able to be taken out of life for a second to learn how to really live and to come back and live life right. Then it becomes a joy that this new life is feeling more normal. My mission really was just a blue print for the rest of my life. I look at the life I had before my mission and look at what it’s becoming now, and I am humbled once again by the evidence that my mission was a grand gift to change my life forever, to be a more profitable servant of the Lord. I’m sure I was a decent person before, but I didn’t really understand why I did all things in the church I was asked to do.

It’s like after sitting in a math class and not really understanding why you are using a certain formula, but you trust your teacher that it will work, then after doing it enough and studying it and trying to understand the why, it finally clicks and everything else about it begins to make sense. That’s how I feel entering back into this life. I don’t just go to the temple because I trust it will be good, I understand that the temple makes things last forever. I don’t just believe, I know. I don’t just study my scriptures because it’s a good idea, but because my day is empty without it. I don’t just pray because people say you need to, but because I’m close to my Heavenly Father and I want to have communication with Him constantly. I don’t just go to FHE (family home evening) and other church activities because it’s a good thing to do and it’s part of my calling. I go because “where two or more are gathered in my name… there will I be in the midst of them” (D&C 6:32). Why would we not seek out for the opportunities to be surrounded by those who have the same love for God that his love may be felt in greater magnitude?

At FHE this week there was a girl there who isn’t a member of the church. The missionaries introduced me to her and I spent the whole evening with her. Now here’s the thing, anyone could’ve been that friend for her, but because I went to FHE, I was blessed to gain another friend and to be a friend. The Lord’s work will go forward and his love will abound. It is our privilege to be a part of that work. If you haven’t experienced seeing the Lord’s work done through your hands, I urge you to go and seek such an opportunity. There is nothing better in the world. I feel so blessed to be a teacher and to have the chance of bringing hope and love and joy to the lives of young men and women.

Earlier this week I was thinking about why some people have what seems to be so many hard trials and others seem to have none. Of course this is all perspective, but I learned a valuable lesson. God doesn’t love anyone any more or any less because of the amount of blessings they seem to have or not have. All things are for a reason and from an all loving Heavenly Father. A friend shared with me how every blessing we are given is a gift from God and is to be used to bless others. Therefore, no blessing is every really our own.

It’s so cliché, but I know everything happens for a reason.  I read “Saints for All Seasons” from the First Presidency message for the month by President Uchtdorf.

“The Savior taught that the sun rises “on the evil and on the good, and… rain [falls] on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). Sometimes we cannot understand why difficult, even unfair, things happen in life. But as followers of Christ, we trust that if we search diligently. Pray always, and be believing, … all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly” (D&C 90:24).

I know that’s true. If we live righteously all the promises from the Lord will be ours, all that the Father hath will be ours (D&C 84:38). His promises are sure and He will never leave us. Learn to see every aspect of your life as part of God's design to bring you happiness in the eternities. He loves you. He wants you to be happy. Trust Him. Let His love fill your soul and transform you. He is ALWAYS there.

Here's the link for President Uchtdorf's article.

http://www.lds.org/liahona/2013/09/saints-for-all-seasons?cid=HPTH082913075&lang=eng

What greater witness can you have than from God?

I’ve learned so much this week. I guess that’s the coolest thing about life is that if you live it well, you improve every day.

I was totally burnt out by the time Friday came along. I super love being with these students though. They are so wonderful. I think it’s a true gift from heaven to see people the way God sees them. I pray every day that I will see his children as he does and then maybe I can help aid them in reaching and seeing it too.

Friday I was sitting at my desk wondering if I was really cut out for this.Then the next period I got 2 “Happy Grams” from 2 of my students saying how happy they were to have me and how nice I was. It was a testimony to me that I can make an impact and still be sweet and kind. When it's necessary I can be firm. My mentor teacher even says I have a good poker face. Never thought I’d ever hear someone tell me that.

I still miss my mission a lot, but I was talking with a guy on Friday who’s been back from his mission for a few years and he told me that he still misses it, but he wouldn’t want to go back to it forever. He said his life has gotten even better every year since then. He said he would love to just have one more day as a missionary, just to live it again. But, that brought me a lot of comfort. I know life will just keep getting better. There are so many possibilities.

I went to “The Lamb of God” performed by one of the YSA stakes here. It was amazing!!! It really was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. I realized there that the spirituality I was feeling there is what we’re striving for. I went to a dance Friday night and I thought how wonderful it was to dance again and I thought it was the best thing ever. I was reminded at the show last night that no other joy can ever be compared to the joy I feel when the spirit is with me and tells me that Christ loves me and that because He condescended and lived and died and lives again, so will I. That love brings a joy past understanding and nothing compares to it.

I’m so grateful for Jesus Christ and that He will never give up on us. His life and Atonement are proof of that. Sister Summerhays had this song on a CD and I’ll never forget it. It’s about a young man who is wondering if throughout all his life God has really been there and really cares. I know we’ve all had a time when we’ve wondered this. Look around you and see the evidence and feel it. Let his spirit come to you and you will know. You may not be able to explain how, but you’ll feel it.

We can feel it like in D&C 6:22-23 “If you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your, heart that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?”

God is there. Christ lives. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the restored church. Read the Book of Mormon and tell me if it isn't true.

Here's that song. Aaron Edson- "Wondering"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSEfuXaqiBc

Happy Birthday Mom--Emulating God's love

I have learned a lot this week. It seems an everyday occurrence that I plead before my Father for comfort and guidance. Sometimes I think I have an idea of what I want my life to be like, but I know that God knows much better than I do. This world can be so confusing. Without the guidance from the Lord, with Christ as my anchor, I could never feel the peace I feel amidst so much darkness.

Josette’s become my best girl friend here and she has such good advice. Her and Glenn are so wonderful and I can’t get over how much Heavenly Father must love me to continue to take care of me by placing the perfect people in my life at the perfect time. Last night we were talking about how we have no idea about what the future would hold and how nice it would be if the Lord just told us what would happen. As hard as I may think it is to never truly know what will happen, I’m so grateful I don’t. It shows Heavenly Father’s true love for us that He doesn’t try to make everything easy for us.

I’m so grateful for my mother because ever since I was little she taught me what I would need to know so that one day I could do it on my own. She knew that there would come a day when she could no longer always be there for me. She wanted me to not only survive without her guidance, she wanted me to excel and become all she is. She has developed in such a way that it’s evident that she walks with the Lord. Today is one of the greatest days in the year because it is the anniversary of the day that such a wondrous spirit entered this world. I don’t know why I was so fortunate to be born to this amazing woman, but not a day goes by I don’t thank the Lord for allowing me to be cultivated by her. Her example has helped me to see and understand the Lord’s love for me.

When I got off the plane after my mission and walked around the corner, I saw down the hall past security, my mother and family and friends waiting for me. The instant my mom saw me she started to run. I’ll never forget her almost getting tackled by security, but the tears in her eyes when we embraced were the greatest homecoming I could have received. To know I am so loved by such a beloved woman is humbling and inspiring. I am anxious to experience the homecoming I will receive at the end of this life when I see my beloved Father again—both of them.

While I know only 3 others are so fortunate to have such an amazing mother as mine, I know we all have a Heavenly Father who loves us so much, even more than my wonderful mother loves me. I can hardly comprehend my mother’s love. I have no comprehension for the love God has for me, but I know it’s what keeps the universe alive. His love is in everything. “God is love” (1 John 4:8)

I still have no idea what the future holds, but I do know that as I do the little things, feasting on my scriptures, praying constantly, immersing myself in church, I will find that I am always on the right path and I will end up in a glorious circumstance, which I cannot now imagine, but which I know is worth any sacrifice to obtain.

I saw this Mormon Message yesterday, "A Secure Anchor," and once again I felt the spirit calm and bring peace to my soul. We all climb mountains, many of the same level of difficulty, but with the gospel and with the Savior, the difficulty is lessened. (Matt 11:28-29.) Why try to do it alone when you have a divine being pleading to help you? We are creatures born with free agency. The greatest challenge you and I will have is to submit that one greatest gift to the Lord. That act is the beginning of the transformation from man to God—to love. Think about what that means. Do you believe that God is love? Do you believe the sacrifice of His son was His greatest manifestation of that love? (1 John 4:9-10.)

I testify that our purpose is to become like Him. Our purpose is to become beings capacitated with eternal love. Give yourself to Him. You will never know the supernal joys you are designed to experience until you do. I promise that once you do so, you will never regret it, but will pray in humility and gratitude everyday of your life for His grand love for you.

I love teaching. It’s exhausting, more exhausting than anything I’ve done. But I love the students. I’ve been grading all of their pre-assessment papers and I just love how much of them comes out in their writing that you don’t get in class. It’s like their spirits come out more. These kids have some hard lives: from divorce, to worrying about food in the house, relatives and friends dying, worrying about being too big or too small. They all just need the gospel and God’s love. I know that I can’t preach that, but I can be a light of hope and happiness in their lives and make it so at least their Jr year of English will be a bright spot in their lives and hopefully inspire them to see their potential and reach it.

I’m loving my YSA ward, I’ve made a lot of friends and am so grateful that with God’s kingdom on earth, you always have a family wherever you go. I got a pretty scary calling today, but I can’t tell you till next week!

I did go to the temple this week. I really needed some peace, so Tuesday, Glenn and Josette took me. The Mesa temple is exquisite. All of them are. I will never get over the amazing feeling in the temple. I will never understand everything in this life, but I will do everything in my power to understand what I can and to live worthily so I can always feel that feeling in the temple. There is nothing of greater value than my temple recommend. That unlocks the door to heaven. I plead with everyone to do whatever it takes that you may experience for yourselves the joy I am speaking of. That is your destiny, to be in the presence of God forever.

I love life, God is great, and every day is a lifetime opportunity.

Here's a link to the Mormon Message I was referring to. 

http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages

Be Still My Soul

I love that feeling you get when you know you are doing what the Lord wants you to do. It’s been hard to find myself again these last few weeks, but this week I really found myself again. The first day of teaching I felt happier beyond description. It’s been quite the journey for me to figure out what God wants me to do. I’m sure everyone has wondered at some point if the path they are on is really what the Lord wants for them, even though you may only be there because at some point you thought you were listening to God. I remember when I first switched my major to teaching and the huge leap of faith that was, but how I knew that was what He wanted me to do. Yet there are times when I forget that and I wonder “what am I doing?” I had a few of those the last couple of weeks, but the assurance from the spirit was stronger than the doubts from the adversary. Walking down the halls on Wednesday, my first day of teaching, I felt a sense of peace wash over me like I had been praying for.  For you RM’s you know the first while home are not easy. Wednesday was the first day I didn’t cry since coming home from my mission. It was like all of a sudden eveything felt right again. Every time I feel the spirit guide me, I hear in my mind "Be still my soul" and it came on my first day teaching. In a high school hall I could feel the Lord tell me I was where I needed to be.

I read something from Boyd K. Packer that stuck with me. Life is great, but the last couple of weeks have been the greatest in many ways, but also the hardest I’ve ever experienced. He said:

“Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life. There is great meaning in these words entitled ‘The Lesson’

Yes, my fretting,

Frowning child,

I could cross

The room to you

More easily.

But I’ve already

Learned to walk,

So I make you

Come to me.

Let go now

There!

You see?

Oh, remember

This simple lesson,

Child,

And when

In later years

You cry out

With tight fists

And tears

“Oh, help me,

God—please.”

Just listen

And you’ll hear

A silent voice:

“I would, child,

I would.

But it’s you,

Not I,

Who needs to try

Godhood.”

I love that so much. If you have time you should watch the mormon message about the currant bush. A lady in Joseph City showed it to us today and I think it applies.
http://www.mormonchannel.org/mormon-channel-daily/213?v=1839005837001

I wish I could tell you all about my amazing week. I was able to go back to Joseph City and it was so rejuvenating. I love that little town. It feels like home to me and everyone there is like my family. I’d like to close this though with my testimony of the scriptures and the power of comfort they bring. Every time I read I feel all better.

“Remember that soothing, calming effect of reading the scriptures. Next time you are where they are read, notice how things settle down. Sense the feeling of peace and security that comes.”

God is real. He is our Father. And with faith we can do all things. Trust in Him and give up everything to Him. I promise He will always fulfill and leave you richer and happier than anything else.


My new name tag... Not quite the same, but I hope I can make a difference all the same. I still got Christ's written on my heart.