The Release

Life has been incredible. I feel however that the Sister to Trisha phase is kinda over. Life is exciting and every new chapter is full of possibilities and the great thing about our existence is there is always another chapter. Sometimes I get really sad at the end of a chapter, but I really have learned that life always keeps getting better. When my friend gave me that counsel when I first got home I stuck it away to remind myself almost every day.

Today the sister missionaries spoke in my home ward and at first it made me miss my mission, but I realized I no longer had an ache to be back. I am so happy with my life and SO grateful I was able to serve. There is no way to explain the changes and experiences I went through. Only my companions and those around me could have an idea of what I learned and how I grew. Today I realized what a treasure my mission memories are, but I realized all that had happened in the last few months and the mission I am still on. There is nowhere else I’d rather be than right where I am. Life really has just kept getting better. Some days I thought I was just convincing myself, but looking back I see a little bit of Heavenly Father’s plan. I look back with awe at his wisdom and love. 

When a missionary comes home from their mission, they go through what's called a release. It's a lot less exciting than a setting apart and a lot more simple. When you're set a part as a missionary you are interviewed and often review your life with those who have had the most influence on you. There are tears of joy as a missionary is set apart from the world to have the authority to represent the Savior. When a missionary comes home the release is simple and, for me, felt like a heart break. I cried with joy when my badge was place on me, and at the time to take it off I cried with confusion and sadness. I didn't want to let go. I think they call it a release because you aren't being demoted, you are being let go, but let go to a more difficult challenge than you can imagine. If a returned missionary doesn't let go of the mission, they will never be able to progress. Don't let go of the memories and the things you've learned, but let go of that chapter and let it effect the next. It's taken me awhile to figure out the importance of the release and why the mission ends, but I have come to the conclusion that the only way for us to reach our potential and fulfill our life long missions is to clasp our hands in the Saviors and keep our eyes on His. Remember, but don't look back. Release and let go and embrace the future with confidence in the God's plan for you.

The last time I was with my family I had the impression to start this blog, and I’m so glad I did. I thought I needed it because I didn’t want to give up my mission quite yet. I realize now I never need to give up my mission, but I am no longer wistful to be back because I trust in my Heavenly Father. He has shown me time and time again that as I counsel with the Lord in all my doings, he will direct me for good (Alma 37:37). There will come times when I don’t know why I am where I am or doing what I’m doing, but if I am confident that the Lord does, if I continue to follow Him over all else, I have nothing to fear. Trials will come, I have no doubt. Trials harder than any I have yet been through.

As a missionary, I learned all the principles of the gospel and thought I had mastered them. In the last few months, all I preached has been put to the test in my own life. Will I really make time to study my scriptures when it’s not set in my busy day schedule? Will I be active in my ward when worldly cares are more pressing? Will I stop to share the gospel with my co-workers during lunch when I have lesson plans to create and papers to grade? Will I continue to pray when all my plans fall through? One of the dear members in my last area on my mission asked me to tell him if I can keep up all the things I did as a missionary in my real life. At the time I thought of course I would, but that challenge he gave to me has pushed me these last few months. I realized how many excuses we can easily make for why we neglect our duties as disciples. I wanted to keep my sister habits in the new Trisha. I promised to consecrate my all to the Lord and His work. I never wanted to justify my way out of my most important priority. Everything in life comes second to the Lord. I KNOW if I follow Him everything else works out! He has proved that to me time and time again. I may only know what I’m doing for a step or two, but that is really all I need to know. The creator of the universe has the rest of the path perfectly charted out. Why question his will? Read the scriptures and see what He does for those who just simply trust in Him. These last few months every step has been out of faith: Moving to Mesa, no friends, no family, no car, relationships, lesson plans, declining working abroad. Now I have my dream job to look forward to, I have a car and I have friends and family nearby everywhere. I trust in the Lord and am SO grateful for all I have experienced. I have no idea what the future will bring, but I know that the Lord is at the helm of my life. I will face every day with trust in Him and I know I will always look back on life with awe at the many blessings of the Lord.

Thank you everyone who has been there supporting me through my life. Knowing you believe in me has kept me going. My aspiration is to be the kind of person that others always know believes in their dreams and divine potential. Many of you have pushed me to be where I am and I hope with my new job and blessings I can pay forward that love so many of you have been the benefactors of for me.

I’m excited for the New Year and the prospects it brings. I’ve thought for a long time about ending this blog, but it never felt right until now. I’m sure I’ll make myself heard in your lives in one way or another, but I think Sister Stewart has finally settled into Trisha Stewart’s life. My authority once was that above the kings of the earth and well… it still is. My calling came when I was 8 years old and chose to be baptized and enter into a covenant with my Savior. All through Young Women’s I said I would stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things and in all places. Then as a missionary I repeated “My Missionary Commission” and now I realize that commission is a lifelong commission that began when I was 8 years old. The only difference between before and after mission is that before I was preparing to stand up and now I am the leader preparing others to stand up. That commission has become a part of me as is the destiny of all of us. Not only do we get to represent our Savior when we take His name upon us through baptism, but that is His gift to us, that we do not have to stay in this fallen world. Through Jesus Christ ALL things will be made perfect. He gives us the choice to become perfect and takes away all excuses for failure. He is the way the truth and the light and we are the examples He needs to share that truth and light with all God’s children (John 14:6). I want to serve the one man who has always had my best interest at heart. I am His Sister and my mission doesn’t end until He comes again.  

My Missionary Commission

by Elder Bruce R. McConkie

I am called of God.

My authority is above that of kings of the earth.
By revelation I have been selected as a personal representative of the Lord Jesus Christ.
He is my master and He has chosen me to represent Him--to stand in His place, to say and do what He Himself would say and do if He personally were ministering to the very people to whom He has sent me.
My voice is His voice, and my acts are His acts; my doctrine is His doctrine.
My Commission is to do what He wants done; To say what He wants said; to be a living modern witness in word and in deed of the divinity of his great and marvelous Latter-day work.
How great is my calling!

Faith to overcome

I love the Holidays so much. I love the sense of happiness in the air, the excitement of all those traveling home for one of the few days in the year, the Christmas songs, the lights, and the list could go on. What I am most grateful for is that as I continually make God an ever moving presence in my life, everything has reason.

I was really sad saying goodbye to my students this week. I love them all. We all cried, but my mentor teacher reminded us that life is not a campout, it’s a hike. I just pray that they all remember how wonderful they are and that they make the best of their lives. I know I am meant to work with teenagers. At times I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn’t switched my major and career goal from dietetics to education. I imagine that I would be less stressed out because I would have a generous income. Then I remember why I went into teaching. It was because God told me to. Money became unimportant to me and loving God and others proved to be my number one. While waiting for my flight, I hung out with a couple of teenagers flying to see their family. Then on the plane I sat next to 2 sets on both sides of me who were traveling to see family. I was friends with all 6 of these kids before we reached California. As much as I love nutrition, I know I am supposed to work with students. Getting my new job has proved a testament to me of that.

Freedom Writers is a movie that inspired me to be a teacher. I know there are a lot of movies about teachers that go to challenging schools and change lives and maybe people think this is unrealistic, but I want to see what I can do. My passion is with the troubled teens. I truly believe many of them just need a little love. I know God has instilled within me a capacity to love every soul and I feel I must use this gift as best I can.

I had an offer this week to travel abroad and teach English. It sounded wonderful, but something wasn’t sitting right. I didn’t understand because I had no strings attached and if there was a time to go it was now. The only down side was that I wouldn’t get Sundays off. I just knew that the right job would not ask me to work on Sundays. I knew I couldn’t take the job, but the future still looked so ominous. I spoke last week of how God answered such a simple prayer about a coat, well if he did that; he would most certainly answer a prayer about work. After turning down the position, not sure what else I was going to do, I was offered my dream job! It’s at an alternative school for drop out students. Many teachers don’t understand why I would want this, but this is why I wanted to be a teacher. I want to not just teach English, I want to change lives.

This whole semester I kept thinking that nothing was going right. Everything I thought I wanted just fell through my fingers. It seemed that every day I was asking myself “what am I supposed to learn from this?” I thought of when Emma Smith asked Joseph “Do you ever think that God asks too much of us?” he replied “I do not let myself.” That response has stuck with me. When we allow doubts to flood our mind then often those doubts become realities. We have to keep the faith not only when life is going well and as we’d like. I want to be someone that God can rely on, someone he can know for certain will stand by and fight for him “at all times and in all things and in all places even until death” (Mosiah 18:9). Anyone can support someone else when they are benefiting from them, but can you support someone when there appear no immediate benefits? How strong is your faith? Many men have lost everything in this world for the God they believed in.

I feel guilty that a few little trials would challenge me so much. I pray that one day there will never be the initial thought of worry, or “God where art thou?” But I am grateful for the counsel I have been given to always when it gets too hard to stand to fall to my knees. I’m grateful I have been taught to pray like everything depended on God and work like everything depended on me. I’m grateful I have been taught to feast and not just nibble on the words of God. I am grateful for the privilege to serve in the temple and for the nearness of heaven there. God has not left us alone. He has taught us how to come closer to Him and know His will.

I felt the truth of Ether 12:6 this week as I was faced to make a decision about work. “Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” It was only after I turned down the teaching abroad offer that I received the offer of my dreams. If I had been offered that job right away or a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have come this close to God. I was forced to truly trust in God. I could’ve taken a different job, but how much did I trust that the Lord would provide? God loves us. Of that I have no doubt. He is always seeking to teach us something that will be for our better good.

Life will always have its challenges, but I hope I never forget who is on my side. We already know what side will win. Satan may win some battles, but Christ has already won the war. The baby who’s birth we celebrate at Christmas, is the man who withstood all of the adversary’s temptations. It is he who declared, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Trust in His promises and trust in yourself. God created you, do not doubt His eternal and divine love for you. He gave His son that you may live with Him again. What greater love is there than a man lay down His life for His friends? He loves you. Let us remember this everyday and that at Christmas we promise the gift of our love and devote our lives to Him who gave His all for us.

This is a sweet little video my sister showed me. It's called Validation and is kinda old so some of you have probably heard of it. Super sweet little inspirational video though!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao

The love behind the gift

I’m a little sick, but I can’t skip out on writing a little bit. I had a pretty miraculous experience this week. Some of you may laugh when I tell you about the monumental faith builder I experienced this week.

Growing up, I never questioned that my Mom would feed us, clothe us, and provide the necessities of life. Those were things we knew just came with the job. How little I understood that all of that stemmed from love. It was the little things she did that I knew Mom must really love me.

I remember one day in like 2^nd grade I came home from school and there was a new outfit on my bed with a note next to it saying “Thanks for making your bed everyday.” I can still see it in my head. There was a bright green shirt with shorts to match, with a Minnie mouse decal on the shirt. I was thrilled. I’ve always loved new clothes and it was extremely difficult for me to convince my mom to buy me clothes, so to see a new outfit on my bed proved that Mom must truly love me.

About a year later, I really wanted a Spice Girls Barbie doll. I begged Mom for it, but she said it wasn’t my birthday or Christmas, so I’d have to wait. I told her I’d do extra chores, so she let me. I dusted, I vacuumed, and I did extra dish duty. I finally had enough money to go get my doll. (I was going through my Tomboy phase and really wanted Sporty Spice.) When we got to the store they were all sold out, I was devastated, but not wanting my hard earned money to go to waste, I bought another Barbie doll. I bought Skipper at the beach. I loved her and was happy, but still longed for a Spice Girls Barbie doll. The time doing chores brought my birthday closer, and the first present I opened was a Sporty Spice Barbie doll! I knew then that my mom truly did love me.

Why is it not the everyday food, or clothes, or scripture reading, or games that proved to me my mother loved me? Because those things were expected I thought. It’s those little things that no one is expected to do, but they just do out of love that reinforce to us that their love is real.

I’ve been more down lately than normal, just letting myself worry about what will happen with my life after student teaching. I’d let myself take for granted the care that God has taken for me forever and overlooked the truth that He would continue to do so.

Just like the Minnie outfit and the Barbie doll nourished my faith in my mother’s love, this week Heavenly Father answered my prayer to find the jacket I really wanted. I know people may think that’s ridiculous to pray to Heavenly Father about a jacket, but I know He cares about all our desires more than we can imagine. I had been looking for a jacket that was more of an Arizona winter jacket and I found one I absolutely loved last weekend at New York & Company in Gilbert, but they didn’t have my size. I checked a few other ones in the area and no one had it. I even called the ones in Roseville, but to no avail. This jacket was originally $130, but was marked down to $60. I believe God and I are very close and I talk to Him about everything, so it only felt natural to tell Him about this jacket and how I thought it impossible that no other store could have this jacket. I went in to talk to Glenn after praying and he suggested the Chandler mall. That was like the closest store to our house and somehow I had missed that one. I called and the sweet lady informed me they did have it. Call it what you want, but I believe Heavenly Father wanted to remind me just how much He loved me. I could survive without that jacket, but Heavenly Father knew how important it was to me. I’ve worked hard at saving my money and I was using my birthday money to buy the jacket.

I know this is one of the silliest blogs yet, but I believe we overlook so many of the little things Heavenly Father gives us. He could give us everything if He wanted. He has that power. Instead of giving us everything right away, He allows us to work so that we can value what we receive.

If I hadn’t made my bed for so long, the reward of that outfit would have just been one of the many outfits already wrinkled in my drawer. I treasured that outfit until I well outgrew it. If I hadn’t done chores to earn my Barbie doll, it would have just been another one of the many Barbie dolls that have been lost in my memory. If I hadn’t had to search to find this coat, I never would’ve had this experience of faith in Heavenly Father’s true concern and involvement in every detail of our lives.

With the gift giving season upon us, remember it’s not the gift that matters, but the love behind the gift. As you give and as you receive, always pay attention to the love involved in the circle of giving and receiving. Our older brother didn't give His life simply because it was expected. He gave it because He loves us. I hope we all can come to know that more and more each day. Once we begin to understand that true love, we will begin to understand our purpose and potential.

Some you may have heard this story, but I just read it for the first time this week, the story of the fourth wise man by Henry Van Dyke. It’s not that long, so try and read it. Money has no eternal value, but the way you use it does. 

Here's a link for the article. The short version.

http://www.ldssmile.com/2013/12/12/story-fourth-wise-man/

I’m so excited to be home in 6 days! I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas wherever you end up and that you spend your whole life similar to the fourth wise man. He’s not in a stable anymore. He is everywhere and “in the hearts of the righteous doth he dwell” (Alma 34:36).

Peace can come...

What a wondrous gift peace is. I am so grateful for Heavenly Father and that no matter how chaotic life may seem, through Him we can find peace. I have like no time, but go and watch the Christmas devotional. Jesus Christ was born and suffered all He did so that we could feel peace and assurance in every situation. We may not know how this life will go, but if we give our all to Him, we have nothing to fear. Listen to how often in the devotional we are told, "peace can come..." I testify that peace can come. You will never have all the answers, but to those who love the Lord about everything else will have peace come o them.

I am still trying to figure out my life, but I know that everything is going to work out just as it should. I might now know God's plan 100%, but I know that He has a plan, and that plan leads back to Him with all that He has, if I keep the commandments. I have nothing to fear. None of us do. 

Aside from teaching and YSA functions, I've been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. At the temple this weekend I put everything in God's hands and asked for Him to just guide me to what He wants me to do. He's doing it and I know will continue to. 

I included my favorite meme from the devotional today, xoxo

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/christmas-devotional/2013/12?cid=HPFR120613187&lang=eng

Becoming Me- Perfection Pending

When you give it to God, life always ends up better than you expected. I was a little bummed to not be going home for Thanksgiving, but thanks to the wonderful Parades family, I had an unforgettable holiday and a life changing week.

I feel happier right now than I have felt in a long time! It wasn’t even until I got home that I realized how much this week did for me.

God is definitely in the details of our lives. If I hadn’t gone on my mission, I wouldn’t have gone to Gallup, New Mexico and met the Dotys. If I hadn’t come to Mesa, Grandma Doty never would’ve told her daughter, Peggi Paredes, to take me in. Not only has their family been benevolent to me, but through them I have discovered a lot about myself.

When I get all the details figured out myself I will blog about it, but this week I thought a lot about me and what I want and am meant to become. Peggi shared this quote with us.

 “When we die and go back to meet our Maker, we are not going to be asked why we didn’t become a Messiah or find a cure for cancer, we will be asked, “Why didn’t you become you?” (Elie Wiesel).

That quote pretty much sums up what I have learned and what I am going to do. I am not going to try and be a perfect Jesus, there’s already one and always will be only one. When He says, “be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father who is in heaven is perfect” (Matt 5:48), I believe He means that we are to seek after perfection as He did. I am to strive to be the most perfect Trisha I can be, nothing else.

Elder Russell M. Nelson gave a really good talk on this. He explained how the word perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.”

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/perfection-pending?lang=eng

At the time, Christ was seeking after His Father’s perfection, or completion. You and I are working towards our full development as well. Later after Christ had finished His work and was ministering among the Nephites he says, “I would that ye should be perfect, even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect” (3 Ne 12:48). He lists himself as perfect now, but only after He completled His mission.

“The perfection that the Savior envisions for us is much more than errorless performance. It is the eternal expectation… that we might be made perfect and be able to dwell with them in the eternities ahead.”

Perfection is pending. Every day you work towards choosing to become the best you you can be. Because Christ completed His mission, you and I can too. His mission was to be the Messiah, and He fulfilled His job. Figure out what your mission is and let the one and only Messiah allow you to fulfill your job. God does not give impossible commandments, but without Christ it will be impossible. With Him is the only way, and it is the way.

I was reading in Mosiah and was impressed by how often it says the Nephites to go up to fight in the strength of the Lord. Their enemies were plenty strong, but they depended on their own strength and were strong only to the strength of men. I realized I wasn’t allowing enough of the Lord’s strength in my life. I have always felt I needed to do everything on my own. It is part of the plan that we be strengthened and overcome challenges by relying on Christ. I know that as we do so, we will never fail and we will become all we were intended to become.

I should know in the next couple of weeks what my plans will be. Where I will go and what I will do, but one thing’s for sure, I am not holding myself back. I never want to get to a point where I wonder what would’ve happened had I lived a dream I always wanted to. I am dreaming big and going to believe that as I do my part by living righteously, I will achieve anything.

My interview was pushed back again, but it is for sure this Tuesday... I don't know if I'll get the job, but I know whatever happens is meant to happen. 

I'm so happy it's Christmas season! If you didn't see my link on FB for an amazing Christmas talk, check this one out by Elder Holland to get in the Christmas spirit.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/12/maybe-christmas-doesnt-come-from-a-store?lang=eng